45 Minutes of Clarity

It was an interesting Sunday at church. The series, titled "No Place Like Home," is about relationships: dating, marriage, parenting. Today's topic was dating and marriage, a topic that I usually dread because of my own failed marriage. In the past, I would find it difficult and tearful to listen. I would sit quietly in the balcony, hoping no one would notice my mascara running . This wasn't the case today. I listened intently and I was surprised at my reaction. The Word really spoke differently to me this time. Perhaps I am no longer raw and in a much different place emotionally, but today's talk solidified the concept of why my marriage failed. Every bullet-point that the pastor felt compelled to discuss was a transcript for all of the particular relationship miss-steps that I have made in the past 20 years.

I sat in my seat wondering if the pastor even realized how his message was affecting the divorced church-goer. They were likely impacted quite differently than all of the others, and profoundly so. Looking around, it was not obvious who had suffered through a divorce--but a collective thought certainly existed. I relished in the manifestation of this collective conscience, knowing that I wasn't alone as we silently nodded our heads and thought, "you know that's true," "amen brother," "I can attest to that!" The pastor's lecture was like a playbook of every wrong choice I made, why I made it, and what I should have done instead. For once, I saw my failures summed up clearly in about 45 minutes! When a marriage is over, all hope for that relationship is over too. If I had heard today's message while married, it would have hit me in a way where I could question the issues and move forward, hoping that God will help rectify the situation. Now, years later, my hope can only lay with the next relationship, if there ever is one...making a different choice as a more mature Christian who has grown tremendously in faith.

That said, I am aware that making the wrong choices is what led me to where I am today...knowing God, having a relationship with Him, loving Jesus, and allowing Jesus to love me in return...it is a whole new world!

Should God ever will for me to enter into another intimate relationship, Lord knows I will be prepared. Throwing caution-to-the-wind is not who I am anymore! Let me say that I am not optimistic that God will send another man my way...but if he did, you better believe that I will want to do everything the right way, God's way.

The scripture that remained with me today:

Matthew 7: 24-27 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house
on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and
beat against that house: yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put
them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that
house, and it fell with a great crash."

Sweet Jesus, thank you for allowing me to recover from my home built in the desert. I did not listen to your Word then and my world crumbled around me. I climbed from that pit to find my feet firmly planted on your rock. I rebuilt my home as I have listened to Godly counsel and strengthened my relationship with you. While I remain imperfect, I remind myself that through you all things are possible and that your love never fails. Amen