"Children of the light will not be comfortable in the dark."

Oh Lord, how I know this is true...you saw my discomfort and
life in the pit of pits. You brought others into my path to enlighten me
and give me courage. The Holy Spirit protected me as I climbed out and
arose to freedom. Oh Holy Spirit, blanket me today with purpose and
forsight. Bless those who remain in the dark, squirming in their seats so
that they too can find the Prince of Peace. Amen.

Blog surfing

I enjoy reading the blogs of others. Often, I discover an alternate view that enlightens me, a well written opinion (better than my own) on some belief that I share, or just to peak through a window in to another's world. Some blogs I routinely read, such as the LPM blog, or Patty Kirk's Amateur Believer. The post cited below is exactly what I am referring to. I envision myself as a mother like Patty, in the sense that children are better served in the long run if they are allowed to explore the good and bad (within reason) as long as discussion and parental involvement are included. I knew a few children of strict religious families (and I mean strict--like no radios and praying the rosary when driving in the car), and I think it perpetuated rebellion in their young adult lives. In contrast, I was not raised in a "religious" family, but one filled with discussion and experience of many different things, but not always discussion on some important things that would have effected me as a young woman...such has discussions on sex as it relates to me. As a teenager and young adult, I didn't have the type of relationship with my mother where I could discuss deeply personal issues that were consuming my mind--although my relationship with my Mother today is like this. Simply put, there were things that I could discuss with my parents, and many things that I felt I could not. Thus, my friends had a stronger influence during my early adult years...which left my parents in the position to always "bail me out!" I am sure that you can relate.

While I am sure I will do my share of bailing out in the future, I hope to use an improved approach on mothering with my children then what I experienced myself. Of course, I think mother's today have many more challenges to contend with (such has the media's visual bombardment of our children's minds) but we also have a great deal more resources than the generations of mom's before us...aren't we lucky? While I face single parenting and working full-time, I still have "places" that I can go for support and guidance--such as mom's groups, online communities, parenting resources, and good old-fashioned girl chat with women in the same position that I am in.

There are a million ways to approach parenting, much of which is a reflection of our own experiences as children (good and bad); However, I think finding freedom in Christ involves a lot of self-discovery during those precious years of development...otherwise, how will our children find true freedom with Him? What I mean is that real appreciation can only come from knowing, experiencing, or observing the bad in life to appreciate the good; engaged parents have so many opportunities to expose and teach their children about the ugly side of life if they do not shelter their children from it...simply put: if every day is a sunny day than you take the sun for granted; throw cloudy, stormy, windy blah days in the mix and all of a sudden, that sunny day feels glorious! I am aware that my children will find themselves in a pit and have already seen and experienced some ugly...but we talk about it, pray about it, and move on. I hope this will make them better prepared as adults for facing the very real challenges that they will undoubtedly encounter. I laugh at how imperfect I am, but it makes me real, and I think my kids will (one day) appreciate this.

Check-out the link below, you may find it interesting...

amateur believer: Radio Blues

I love this prayer that a friend sent me:

Heavenly Father, today I humbly open my heart to
You. Use me for Your glory and have Your way in my life. I choose to believe in
You and invite You to believe
through me. In Jesus' Name.
Amen.

Monday mornings...

It is Monday morning, no school, and the kid's are shocking me by playing quietly upstairs. This gives me "moments" to myself. I completed some homework in Beth Moore's Living Beyond Bible study earlier. I somehow managed to read the Bible, complete homework, pour chocolate milk with refills for my son, manage the timer for computer time for the kids to have "equal" game time, make coffee & toast, and take the dog out twice, and I still walked away with something...thoughts on the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I stand in amazement of myself...as I am sure many mothers do.

One of the reasons I love Beth Moore's Bible Studies is that she is so energetic! I know few people who display such a passion for Christ as she. It is invigorating to listen to her southern accent as she teaches about relationship with Him. The controversy regarding her ministry seems impractical to me. Joyce Meyer preaches to men and women and isn't torn down for it. You can take any segment of the bible to substantiate a claim regarding some belief or another; and her ministry is directed towards women--it's a women's ministry. In critique, I find it difficult to follow along in her studies when flipping from one verse to the next without discussion in between. I find this tedious. However, I have read several of her books and listened to audio versions and I certainly have something to learn from a woman who has walked a difficult road and loved God along the way. This is what I, and many other women I imagine, find inspiring about her. Beth Moore isn't the only teacher worthy of praise, she is simply one of many...and a colorful one at that!

Well, the kids have been up and down the stairs several times--they are either incredibly distracting or help me to focus all the more by tuning-out their screeches and silliness. There are so many things that I want and need to do and I am regularly disappointed with myself because there is only so much that a single-mom can do in one day.

Oh how I thirst for the Holy Spirit to work in my life. I crave
direction and awakening of my purpose. Oh, how I pray for some relief, for feelings of accomplishment & contribution, to know and display my gifts, to overcome and to shine. Lord, I pray that I am pleasing to you, where I am right at this moment, trying to make it... with all of your wonderful guidance and support. I am grateful for the many blessings you have bestowed. I am forever thankful for the direction to the road less traveled, where the other path is no longer an option. I continue to pray for peace in my heart, peace in my home, peace in the world. Amen.

A Message From God...

"For the moment, this too is a blessing, a love message from God: that it is all right to doubt—that to doubt is to seek, and to seek is to hope, and to hope urgently, insistently, with certainty, is to have all the faith we need to survive what is ahead . . . "

• --from Confessions of an Amateur Believer

Phoebe

My babies...

The Road...

Easter Week...

I have been praying for the Lord's help....I so want my kids to know God and have a relationship with him. They are young (7 & 4), but they pray at bedtime and last night, my son wanted to "keep on going..." as we read his Children's Bible Stories. He specifically wanted to read one that had a picture with Jesus and the cross. How timely given the Easter season! My daughter has memorized the books of the bible and now knows the Our Father. I am proud but know that a challenge lays ahead...Attending church has been a HUGE asset for me in terms of raising them alone. Our church, the NorthRidge Church, has a fabulous children's program and my children LOVE attending. I think that I win half the battle when the children want to go to church. Don't you?

As I walk and grow in my faith it becomes ever clearer to me how believing in God is shadowed by the importance of living what I believe. I know too many people who say that they believe, but certainly do not live like they do. In the past you could count me in that group. But something has changed in me and I think of all of the years that I wasted...not being fully alive...going through the motions....hearing but not listening....not laying claim to what has been given to me...turning my back on God...a life filled with so much emptiness where my feelings vacillated between desperation and numbness....worshipping all of the wrong things...and making some devastatingly bad decisions. Oh how the Lord has delivered me!

Sweet Jesus, I am forever grateful for your sacrifice. Continue to guide me and be a husband to the husbandless and a father to the fatherless. We are so blessed by your presence. Oh, how you have filled the empty spaces and given meaning to each breath I take. Help me to grow closer to you, discern your voice in my life, and stay on the path you have set for me. I pray for peace in my heart, peace in my home, and peace on this earth...Amen